Etiquette and Inspiration: "Second Baby" Showers

Traditionally baby showers were given so that women could pass on wisdom and lessons of motherhood to the expecting mom, and friends and family shower the expecting parents with the necessities they'll need when the bundle of joy arrives.   The celebrations and gifts help make the anticipation of waiting for a baby to arrive joyful and creates excitement for the parents-to-be.  Every new mom deserves a beautiful shower.

The general rule, and assumption, is that a woman doesn't have baby showers past her first baby.  It's assumed she no longer needs the wisdom of the moms who came before her and she should already have all the baby gear she'll need.  It's also considered a bit rude to ask those who gifted and showered the new mom already to do it all over again. However it's becoming more common for friends and family to host celebrations with baby two, three, and so on.

Etiquette  The etiquette for "second baby" showers is to keep them quaint. Only invite those friends that didn't come to showers for your first baby, and family members who may be disappointed if they aren't invited.  Unless specifically requested by the host, do not register for gifts.

Inspiration I believe every occasion deserves a celebration.  A girlfriend has just found out she's having a boy, her second child, this fall. She has a beautiful daughter and will need to add a bit of blue to the nursery. I'm honored she's agreed to let me host a small brunch to celebrate.  Just eight to ten guests, and a simple sit-down meal will make her feel special.  I'm inspired by preppy plaids, argyle, and fall colors.  I think I'll decorate with patterns in orange and browns, with accents of greens and blues.  I'll post photos and details in September. I hope she likes it!

Traditional Anniversary Gifts

A girlfriend was recently struggling with what to get her husband for their third anniversary and she asked me what the traditional gift was.  I admit, I had absolutely no idea.

The tradition of giving gifts on a wedding anniversary dates back to the middle ages.  There's a lot of history on the subject if you're interested (for resources click here) but the gist is it started with the medieval Germans in Central Europe celebrating major milestone anniversaries, the 25th and the 50th.

"According to Hallmark research, the custom of associating silver with the 25th wedding anniversary and gold with the 50th wedding anniversary appear to have originated in the Germanic region of Middle Europe. The silver anniversary included a husband giving his wife a silver garland when they had been married 25 years."  Source: Hallmark.com

In the 1920s Emily Post wrote about the eight anniversaries everyone should know and associated symbolic gifts to each. (1st, 5th, 10th, 20th, 25th, 50th, and 75th).   

Here is a list of the reported traditional anniversary gifts.

First  -  Paper

Second  -  Cotton

Third  -  Leather

Fourth  -  Fruit and Flowers (Emily Post also suggests Linen)

Fifth  -  Wood

Sixth  -  Candy or Iron

Seventh  -  Copper or Wool

Eighth  -  Bronze

Ninth  -  Pottery

Tenth  -  Tin or Aluminum

Eleventh  -  Steel

Twelfth  -  Silk

Thirteenth  -  Lace

Fourteenth  -  Ivory

Fifteenth  -  Crystal

Twentieth  -  China

Twenty-fifth  -  Silver

Thirtieth  -  Pearl

Thirty-fifth  -  Coral

Fortieth  -  Ruby

Forty-fifth -- Sapphire

Fiftieth  -  Gold

Fifty-fifth  -  Emerald

Sixtieth  -  Yellow Diamond

Seventy-fifth  - Diamond

There are no traditional gifts for anniversaries not listed, though suggestions for modern gifts can be found online for years 1 - 100.  

Etiquette: Making an Introduction

Tonight I had the pleasure of speaking to a group of great ladies.  The organization was mostly comprised of women in their 70s and 80s.  Many had been involved in the group for sixty years, and had joined because their mothers were members (it was founded in the 1860s).  I could have visited with these women all night.  There is a priceless education in spending time with the generations that came before us.  The one thing that stood out to me more than anything was how they introduced each other.  I remember learning this in cotillion many years ago, but I don't think I've ever practiced it -- the art of a proper introduction.

Each time I was introduced to a member of the group, the hostess would look directly at me and say, "Nici, please meet Betty Guthery."  She'd always use her first name and last name while looking at me so I could hear the person's name. Then she'd introduce me in the same manner.  It occurred to me that in my generation, it's rare anyone makes an introduction using a full name.  Our greetings are usually something more like, "Hey. I'm Emily."  Not that the casualness is bad, but the formality of looking directly at someone while learning their full name just makes you feel so much more important and connected.

So, the basics of making an introduction are:

• Look directly at a person, when saying another person's name (Example: Look at Jake when you say, "Jake, please meet Maggie Smith."
• Use first and last names
• Try to find a commonality or say something interesting about each person that will generate the conversation (Example: "Jake, please meet Maggie Smith.  Maggie grew up in Dallas not far from where you live now.")

Etiquette: Thank You Notes

Thank You Notes -- oh the dreaded task after you've been celebrated.  You're swimming in tissue paper and ribbon, day dreaming of where you'll put all your new goods. And then it hits you -- the list! You know the one.  On the left it says "4 piece place setting" and on the right it says "from aunt suzy."  It's the gift list and you're expected to send thank you notes to each person on it. Well, you best get going girly.  Thank you notes should be sent as soon as possible, though the saying "better late than never" very much applies.

Do I have to?...Yes, you do!  Unless you opened the gift in front of the giver and were able to personally thank them in person. Then you get a pass and a formal thank you note isn't required.  Just make sure you really, truly did thank them and they know you're grateful.  If your response sounded something like, "oh, thanks, um, friend" in front of 20 other friends and you quickly moved on to the next gift, then you should write a note.

When to send...the sooner the better.  Ideally you should write the note on the day you received the gift, but there are a few exceptions to the rule.  If you've just had a baby no one expects a prompt note of gratitude.  Get the notes in the mail within two months.  If you just got married send a note within three months of receiving the gift.  For showers and other parties with a lot of guests, get the notes in the mail within two weeks after the event.

What should I write?  Always mention the gift specifically (the tea set from William-Sonoma).  What you like about it (the color matches my dishes perfectly) and how you plan to use it (I've already invited my neighbors over for afternoon tea). 

Be prepared...you never know when you'll need to send a thank you note.  Keep a drawer or box filled with stationary and stamps.  I keep fill-in-the-blank cards for notes from my daughter, personalized elegant notecards for my husband, and cute, decorative cards for me.  I find flat cards are the best for quick thank you notes and a hostess essential, but there are great folded cards too.

Stock Up on Inexpensive, Personalized Notecards

www.vistaprint.com

 

Or buy favorites at your local stationer or online retailer, like Expressionary.com or Crane.com.